Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
