I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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