he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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