i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
