how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
