Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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