Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
