You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
