Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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