STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
