it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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