Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
