i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
