Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
