You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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