her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
