So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
