So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
