just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
