cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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