Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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