when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
