Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
