SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
