glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
