I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
