I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
