My room smells like vodka and shame
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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