He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
