you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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