First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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