I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
