Barsexuality is the new black.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
