You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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