That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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