well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
