New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
