Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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