I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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