Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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