You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
