If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
