Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
