Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
