I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
