yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Its about making memories worth repressing
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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