loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
