You work out of a Hotel?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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