i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
