I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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