He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
